can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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