kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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