There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Randomize
