hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
