is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I still have a little drunk in my system
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
