You really coming over, don't trick.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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