are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
