Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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