Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
