My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
