i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
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