What did we do last night that was yellow?
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Are my feet made of real feet?
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
