he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize