this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
