You can't special order awesome
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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