Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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