Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
