I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
