If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
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