Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
