At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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