we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
