My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
