How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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