Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
