Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
