ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
