Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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