oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
