Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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