he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize