By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
