You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
