I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Randomize
