Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Drake has all the answers
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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