I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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