We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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