The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
