And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
