I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
