I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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