Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Randomize
