She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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