White coat. Heels.
This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
