"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
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