The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
