If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Randomize
