so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
