We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
