Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Randomize