A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
