can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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