Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
