I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
