I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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