Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Mom said you looked used
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
