So drunk, too bad you don't want this
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
