Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
