I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
