guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
