Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
3 2 1 whiskey
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize