hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
