promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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