I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
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