Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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